Treasure

The real value of a gift is determined by the "true cost" of the giver, which cannot be measured in currency.

Do you enthusiastically accept all gifts offered..................... or only those which fit your standard?

When you are on the receiving end of even the smallest kindness, the message you send back, by word, look or action, can build the giver up or break the giver down.

When someone gives you a gift they are taking a risk, opening themselves up and making themselves vulnerable to you. Your reaction at that moment may be the only thing feeding their soul that day. Make sure you receive your gifts tenderly and thoughtfully!

What someone gives you .................. might be the ONLY thing they have to give the world at that moment and they chose you. Make sure you deserve their everything.

Life's hidden surprises.

     An amazing and overwhelming thing happened. Some friends and I were posting and commenting on pictures on Facebook from our years in high school. We laughed and talked lightheartedly about the years that passed and reminisced about 'back when'. It was fun and heart warming, and left me wishing to go back for a moment and enjoy some of those events with my current wisdom. More pictures were posted and there it was, .............................. THE PICTURE. My husband as I first knew him. It was taken 36 years ago on the same day my husband asked me out for the first time.
     We met in high school, technically during our freshman year, but we didn't really speak to each other until our senior year. He was the class 'jock' and I was the class 'nerd'. He participated in every sport that he could feasibly, while I was extremely serious about my responsibilities in life. We were an unlikely pair.
     As I looked at that picture, I remembered how strong my feelings were as a young girl. Sitting next to him as we looked at that photo, I told my husband he was so handsome in those days (not my most thoughtful moment). He feigned wounded feelings and wondered aloud why I used the word "was".
     What I couldn't articulate to him was the disconnection I felt from my feelings during that phase in our lives. Admittedly, we have aged. Nature has taken it's course and we did not escape her path.  The young man in that picture is definitely not the same man that sat on the couch next to me. He's lost much of his hair and his chiseled jaw has rounded a bit. Perhaps that sounds like a bad thing, but I don't feel that way.
     I look at my husband now and I see the hills and valleys of our life etched across his face. The laugh lines next to his eyes are amazing. When he's happy, his whole face smiles. The steel blue of his eyes have softened all the pain I ever experienced. The strength in his hands remind me of the many times he held me up when I didn't think I could face another tough loss/change/day. The sparkle in his eye when he does something childlike and mischievous makes me laugh even when I want to be mad at him.
     There is so much more depth to the man I see when I look at him now. That makes him so much more handsome and desirable than that young man from our high school days.  While I sometimes wish we had the strength and stamina from those days, I wouldn't go back now to the people we were then. I look at my husband and I still see the young man in that picture, but when I look at that picture, I see only a hint of the man I love right now.

 

Go Big Red!!

     Today is the last home football game of the regular 2012 season for the Nebraska Cornhuskers. Some of you reading this are groaning right now because you hate the Cornhuskers, a feeling I sincerely do NOT understand. How can one hate a team composed of college students? College teams are so completely different every five years. They aren't paid ridiculously senseless amounts of money, they aren't paid at all. Just a group of kids trying to make their way in the world, some hoping to become professional players, some just wanting to compete while they get their degree. Oh well, that's topic for another post.
     Nebraskans across the world have not been looking forward to today's game. Not because it's the end of the season but because it's the end of an era. Dr. Tom Osborne is stepping down effective January 1st. For those of you not connected to or passionate about Nebraska football, it's hard to explain this sentiment, but my nephew and his friend came pretty darn close to nailing it for me this morning. I'd like to share their words with you.

My nephew wrote:

    "This weekend will be Tom Osborne's 500th game in an official capacity for the Huskers. I was born in 1981, several years after he had taken over as head coach. By the time I was of age to understand football, I already knew what Nebraska football meant to so many. Husker football Saturdays meant there was excitement in the air. It meant that I had to tune my Walkman into KFAB, it meant my dad and I had something to cheer for together....it meant our little state in the middle of the country had something to be proud of and brag about. This was largely due to the genius we commonly know as Dr. Tom, so this weekend Husker Nation says thank you...you did far more than simply win football games. To my friends not from Nebraska, I apologize for the rant.....most of you won't understand. But for those that do...I know you feel the same.
Sincerely,
a guy that will always be thankful to be from Nebraska...GBR!"


His friend also posted:


   "Husker football meant playing clean, winning with honor and losing with dignity. Playing as a team, even though some were stars, it was about involvement with something bigger than yourself.
Pride, sportsmanship, integrity, these were common threads through DECADES if winning seasons and stadium sellouts.
No matter what part of the state you came from : Omaha /Lincoln, suburbs, rural areas it small towns, our passion for Nebraska football bonded us together as a state over 77,000 square miles, so time zones, and disparate terrain. We are ALL Huskers."

   For the die-hard competitors, it's hard to understand that while the impressive win record is something we Nebraskans like to boast about, it's the overall commitment to integrity and strength of character that makes us loud and proud as we stand behind our boys. Those qualities are embodied in our very own Dr. Tom Osborne. He is genuinely loved and will be deeply missed by this institution as well as our entire state. I think it's safe to say, Nebraska football and the University of Nebraska at Lincoln will never be the same. Our prayer is that the new leadership understands these standards and respects them above all else.

  So to you Dr. Tom,
Thank you for being a true leader and selflessly devoting so many decades to our young men and women. You have touched millions of lives and directly impacted thousands through your example. "Job well done, good and faithful servant!"

How do we live in the change

   Every event in our life creates a period of transition. For many events it can be a matter of minutes, others may require years. And then there are some that seem to throw our lives into perpetual transition.
  Yesterday, some of my family and I stopped by the funeral home to begin the preliminary arrangements for my brother's services. Most had been prearranged, thanks to my older brothers, who had the foresight years ago to sit down with him and work them out. As the director verified information necessary to begin the home's duties, the questions caused my mind to spin. My thoughts were in present terms AND past terms and some answers came in both, at the same time.
   I don't yet know what my brother's death will do to our lives. We are still adjusting to my other brother's death two years ago. How do you go from having six siblings to having five then four?  Well technically, you don't. My brothers are still my brothers. They just don't walk in this life any longer. There is some comfort in that, but it doesn't help the awkward moments when someone innocently asks, 'Do you come from a large family?' I used to enjoy that question.  Now it causes me to pause, sputter and stammer. I know the next question is usually "do they all live here?" How do I truthfully answer that question without making the inquirer feel bad?, without making me feel bad? My mother knew this would be my burden. Many times she told me I shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve. That when I expose my feelings so easily I give away the power in my relationships. (Pretty ironic for someone with control issues, right?)
   This transition, this new status is what my family and I face for the rest of our lives, it isn't a choice. Thankfully, I know we will get through it and it will bring us closer. For this 'family strength', I thank my parents. For their love and unwavering support, I thank my brothers and sisters and their spouses-my other brothers and sisters. I love you all so very much, you give me continued hope and courage.

Lost and Found

Watching the crowd and listening to the stories in the music. I sat there, drawn into the shadows. I was allowing myself to lose control and it didn't concern me. In that moment, lost pain from fear-filled minutes of uncertainty in my early years spilled into my consciousness and I felt the air rush out of my chest. Yet, instead of drained and deflated, I felt weightless, I was floating.
I didn't understand before that very instant, what I long considered a single bad memory was, in reality, trauma.
Life altering trauma.
Unrecognized and unnamed. 
I allowed it to wash over me........... and tears fell softly and easily. It didn't last long and it felt like a redefinition of part of me. And when that moment was over, there was complete peace. 
I reclaimed some of my innocence.

That darn irreversible knowledge

    It's been about five months since I've posted anything. I've had many thoughts pop-up that would have made decent topics of conversation, just never at an opportune time for writing about them. I checked in today to visit some of the blogs I enjoy following, to 'see old friends' and find out how they're fairing. I found a "draft" in my own blog that made clear to me why I took a little (or not so little) break.
    I wrote the following post months ago and don't even recall the event or facebook posts that triggered the reaction.
     I was going to delete it, but as I reread it, I thought it might mean more if it doesn't apply to anyone in particular, so here it is; from some time after February but at least a couple months before today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I don't like to log into facebook as much as I once did.  The posts that take a stab at others with words meant to appear vague and discreet, yet only serve up bitter vitriol, seem to be appearing with greater frequency.
    The anger and sarcasm weakly disguised as general comments are not only obvious, but suck a measure of joy out of the positive messages and pictures I would otherwise enjoy. I try not to acknowledge the negative posts unless they cross an imaginary line I've drawn for myself. More and more I find myself avoiding the people who post them.
      I'm talking about the people that need to make negative comments to or about someone else on a regular basis to feel validated. Usually the anger arises from something personal, an unresolved issue in the past. An issue between the poster and the person at whom the anger is directed.
     I'm not talking about the people that are trying to get through a difficult time or event they've experienced, an unusual burst of anger. Those are the people to whom I reach out and offer support. I believe we all need some leeway for the human condition. We all need to know people care about us.
     Because my friends' list is made up of people that are important to me, I walk this line carefully.

Trust yourself

   I love to read. I read something every day. Sometimes I read books, sometimes I read articles. I have certain authors and certain genres that I enjoy more than others but there is a variety of topics that interest me. I think it's important to 'broaden my horizons' about subjects of which I'm not terribly knowledgeable. Considering many perspectives helps me form opinions. However when it comes to opinions, I don't consider anyone else's opinion to be more relevant than my own or my opinion more relevant than another person's.
   My point to this cyclical logic is that if you only use another person's insight as the basis for your opinion, then perhaps you should put down your book or newspaper, or step away from your computer, get out in the world and experience more of life for awhile. It isn't until you see, hear, smell and feel for yourself that you get the truths life has to offer. Once you do that in a way that opens your eyes and your heart to the idea of endless possibility, you will trust yourself. If you trust yourself it becomes unnecessary to be right or to have the last word.

Shall we stay or shall we go?

     It would be nice if every relationship were clear and tidy. If all the lines were sharp and there were no grey areas. The biggest difficulties lie in the overlaps. 
    Can you be excited and happy for someone you love, when someone else you love, feels offended by the one for whom you want to be excited and happy? If everyone involved is emotionally mature, it's possible. Emotional maturity seldom happens at the same rate for different people, ..... if it happens at all.
     It's a struggle for me to stay out of other people's relationships, especially if it appears their "bump" is clearly a misunderstanding and it feels like both parties want the friendship back. I am a "fixer".  I find solutions for problems. That's what I'm driven to do, but for the most part I manage to avoid offering to mediate.
     If a hiccup in the relationship of two people I love bleeds over into my life, I have less restraint.  I want the freedom to maintain/nurture my relationships separate from third party influences.  So if my friend expects me to prove my friendship by taking sides or ignoring mean-spirited behavior, I will speak up.  I believe that if you search your heart before you speak, say what you need to with all the love you feel, whatever the outcome may be, is what must be.
      I've learned to accept that not all relationships are meant to be true and strong, and it's okay to let some go.

.......... and it comes back to Simplicity

"If you do something and it turns out pretty good, you should go ahead and do something else wonderful..."
  
   Those were the words of Steve Jobs, a simple man with a complex mind. In all the news stories about his death recently, I am struck by the joy he expressed in every interview and press release about all the new gadgets on which he and his company worked. His philosophy was basically, do something about which you are passionate. His inventions were created not to please anybody else or fill anyone else's needs. He and his coworkers created tools with features they wanted, that excited them and it was infectious. We got excited with them.
    I've noticed that when I get excited to spend time with my granddaughters, they get excited to spend time with me.  We don't plan a lot of action packed activities, but we seem to have the best time playing,...... everyday games, reading books, going for walks, even watching the video of my 4 year old granddaughter's dance recital (we each choose to dance along with certain parts of our favorite groups).
    The point is, it's when we are fully engaged in an activity by choice, we get the most reward. I have always enjoyed the simple activities and even more so now that the rest of life has become so complex. I don't want more in my life, I want to enjoy more of what's already there. You have to decide if you want more or do you already have it all!

For my kids!

(I want to preface this post by saying these thoughts came to me as a result of someone else's situation and not from anything personally related to my family. I have to put this out there anyway!)
   My husband and I are so very proud of our boys and anyone that spends time around us, knows it full well. Some days we can't stop talking about something one of them (or our granddaughters) has done or said. I'm sure many people, including our sons, have at one time or another thought, "If you only knew....".  So let me set the record straight.
   We do not, nor will we ever, delude ourselves into thinking that we know everything our children have ever done.  Nor do we believe they would want us to know. I'm pretty sure they think there are choices they've made of which we would not approve.  We all get embarrassed by our mistakes and we all make choices that take us on a path different than our parents'.
   Even though I don't know all their choices (or activities), I can say that I wouldn't be paralyzed by anything I learned about decisions they've made. I know my children are human; driven by the same needs and wants the rest of us have. The need to be acknowledged and accepted by our peers is a great equalizer.
     So to our children and children-in-law I say, "Relax. Dad and I love and accept you unconditionally. We are proud of the kindness in your hearts and the generosity in your nature. We think you are perfectly imperfect. Keep doing your best and always give more than you take."  Mom

What to believe

     I believe God exists!........................ I don't expect to convert anyone with that statement because I don't believe my life's purpose is to Evangelize.  My purpose is to be the best, most genuine me.  I fail in some way on a daily basis, but I keep trying.

So, you ask, what is the cause/purpose of this post? 
     Menopause likely! I'm finding that I get irritated with extreme mindsets.  I'm referring to those of us that proclaim they believe in God and eagerly engage in bad behavior and vicious gossip. I'm also referring to those that proclaim they don't believe and slam religion at every opportunity.

I've heard viewpoints about the existence of God from:
     -People that go to church regularly, admit they attend only because it's expected and don't think about God for the rest of the week.
     -People that choose not to believe God exists and will tell you that religion is only 'brainwashing'.
     -People that insert the Bible into EVERY conversation about faith and can cite any and every appropriate verse for a given circumstance.
     -People that don't believe and just don't discuss it.
     -People that believe and just don't discuss it.

     While it's not an interest I actively pursue, the path that brings people to their current tenet is to me somewhat intriguing. I only ask that you don't tell me that believing what I've heard or read is less valid than your believing what you've heard or read.  I would rather listen to the reasons you don't believe (so I can get to know you), than listen to why you think I shouldn't believe.
     Please don't misunderstand me, I'm only saying that I think most people are intelligent enough to choose for themselves. The spiel about how the Church brainwashed me into believing in God, is not proof He doesn't exist, it's only proof you question my intelligence.

Friends

     When I send a 'friend request' on facebook, I don't expect that everyone will accept.  Many of the women I know that are around my age, don't intend to use facebook as a true social network with everyone they know on their friends list like many young adults.  They prefer to keep their contacts limited to their family for sharing updates and pictures. That was certainly my intention.  I will admit, I have a few more 'friends' than I originally intended and now there is more pressure to keep my page updated.
      In this blog and notes on facebook, I've talked about friends and acquaintances and how it's normal for lives to go in separate directions.  That we each take different things from the relationships in our lives.  How some relationships leave a deeper mark on one life than they do another. It's the friendships in our early lives that likely leave the biggest impression as we were able to spend more time each day discovering who our friends were and who we were with them. 
    Today I found my very first childhood friend on facebook, and it drew me back to the very core of my being.  We haven't talked in a long time, but she is one of a very few people that have been 'present' my entire life. We knew each other before we were old enough to go to school, we went all through school together, and reconnect every now and again.  When there is a major event in either of our families of origin, the need to touch base emerges for me. I don't know if she feels the same, but when she touches base, the same genuine friend is there. This is one friend request I REALLY want to have accepted.

Integrity is neither private nor public.

     When did we get into the habit of ignoring the blatant indiscretions of our public figures? Many of my peers pass it off as normal, saying we only hear about the ones that get caught, implying or even saying up front that all public leaders behave badly as if that makes it okay. Too often we excuse bad sexual behavior because some believe men can't control their physical urges.
     New York Congressman Anthony Weiner admitted today that he lied to the nation a week ago when he denied sending an explicit photo to a woman who is not his wife. He made up a story saying he was the victim of someone that had 'hacked' his computer and sent it in his name. After he took 'full responsibility' for taking the pictures and sending them, he went on to say that he would not resign because he doesn't think he "did anything that violated any law or rule of the house" or anything to compromise his 'oath of office to uphold the Constitution'.  Excuse me?  How does an outright lie to the public not become glaring evidence that he has compromised his ability to even make/keep an oath ? 
     Why would we accept that one can behave one way in private and another in public?  It is unacceptable to me that we don't set a standard for our 'public servants' private behavior at the same level we expect of their public behavior. I don't believe anyone is perfect nor do I expect it, but the level of a person's deceptive behavior in private should give us a glimpse at the potential of deception in public.
    I have a favorite quote that sums up my feelings about the people that I want to serve my community.
'The true character of a man is determined by what he would do if he knew no one would find out.' -Unknown

Trust and Forgiveness

   Occasionally a random thought will grease the gears and sabotage any effort to put the brakes on the mind 'spin'. Last night on facebook, I found myself posing the question, "Is it truly possible to regain a broken trust?"
    In my case, answering the random-thought question alone doesn't help quiet the raging mind. It IS possible to regain a broken trust. I know because I trust again. It's not that I 'forgave and forgot'. I remember. I remember it well.  I vividly remember the pain of the betrayal, but I no longer feel it. I suppose it's more accurate to say I vividly remember my 'knee-jerk' reactions to it.
     At the time, I intended to end the relationship. I thought I would never get over the pain, that I would become more insecure than I was already, that I would have to live the rest of my life feeling 'not quite good enough'.  It shook me to my core. But in the 'healing years' amazing transformations took place. I gained perspective. It became okay to be less than perfect, because perfect truly wasn't working. Anger became an allowable emotion. I decided it was also okay to have expectations and to become more selfish.
     After a while, I started to have days that I didn't think about it. I was able to talk about it matter-of-factly, strategize ways to avoid situations that fed the distrust. Without the discussion and the strategizing, I'm sure there wouldn't have been full healing. The whole situation made me stronger and wiser. I'm richer for it. It feels strange to write, but I'm grateful for having gone through it.
     In the end surprising things happened. I am able to fully trust again. The revelations that followed changed my life and made me proud of who I am inside. To know I'm capable of complete forgiveness is empowering. To know that someone wanted my complete forgiveness is truly humbling. To witness the growth of this solid relationship brings me true happiness.

Different perspectives

   As a teenager working my first job, I watched my boss become really frustrated because some of the younger workers would walk in the door right at the start of their shift. They would spend the next five or ten minutes signing in, visiting with coworkers, putting on their work smocks, adding their hours on the time sheet, etc. before finally showing up at their assigned duty location. They thought it was okay because they walked in the door on time.
    One evening my boss called a meeting immediately after the store closed.  He explained that he was paying us for the hours we worked at the duties he assigned. He didn't expect to pay us for preparing to work or for the time spent visiting or tending to our own business before we arrived at our duty station. Even though I hadn't been guilty of these offenses, I could have fallen into the same routines because I hadn't thought about these things. He made sense to me and what he said has stuck with me.
   I'm a rule follower. If I don't like a rule, I'll work to change it, but .............. I respect people and their experiences. Most rules come as a result of a struggle or series of struggles. They provide structure and serve to 'level the playing field'. I've had to make a few of my own and I remember the time and thought I put into them. I hope to be given a chance to discuss the reasoning before my personal rules are broken or ignored.   
   At work, my coworkers and I have some pretty serious conversations. They are usually triggered by a phone call or situation we may be addressing. One recurring topic is the 'sense of entitlement' that people feel. Upon hearing that phrase, many people automatically think about 'welfare mothers' or unemployment. Yes, there ARE some obvious abuses to the welfare and unemployment systems in our country but, I wonder how many of us actually stop to consider our own sense of entitlement. 
   We all feel it on occasion and I don't think it's always a negative thing.  In our relationships, we want to need and be needed. We make a commitment to each other and expect to depend on that commitment. That sense of entitlement gives us security, strength, confidence and inspiration to struggle through the difficult situations we encounter, to be better and do better.
   However there are still things we feel we deserve even though it's not truly our decision. A woman I know has been at her job for several decades and has a set schedule. She believes it's acceptable to arrive at work 5, 10, 15 minutes or more after her scheduled start time, and not just occasionally, because she's an 'ish' kind of person. She'll also change her schedule without consulting her supervisor, to keep a coworker company when another coworker takes a day off.  It's a coworker kindness, but even though she works a full day, it doesn't always fall in line with the needs of the company. She feels entitled to make those decisions without discussing it in advance.
   Another woman woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. For two days in a row she arrived at work an hour early. On the second day she told her coworkers that they didn't need to worry because she wasn't going to get more overtime than them, she would just get off two hours early at a later date. A couple of them were noticeably angry.
   Whether taking someone else's reserved parking space because they are on vacation, or taking an extra long lunch because the allotted time isn't sufficient to eat AND run an errand, people feel it's easier to justify these types of decisions because 'it's a big company', or 'I stayed later last week' whether it was requested of them or even necessary.
   If I could have one rule that no one had the power to change, it would be that when you make a decision that falls under the scope of another individual or within their world, you would do it openly. 'Have the conversation' in advance. Even if your decision doesn't involve the people around you, you will lose the trust of all who suspect you are being deceitful or self-serving.