Life's hidden surprises.

     An amazing and overwhelming thing happened. Some friends and I were posting and commenting on pictures on Facebook from our years in high school. We laughed and talked lightheartedly about the years that passed and reminisced about 'back when'. It was fun and heart warming, and left me wishing to go back for a moment and enjoy some of those events with my current wisdom. More pictures were posted and there it was, .............................. THE PICTURE. My husband as I first knew him. It was taken 36 years ago on the same day my husband asked me out for the first time.
     We met in high school, technically during our freshman year, but we didn't really speak to each other until our senior year. He was the class 'jock' and I was the class 'nerd'. He participated in every sport that he could feasibly, while I was extremely serious about my responsibilities in life. We were an unlikely pair.
     As I looked at that picture, I remembered how strong my feelings were as a young girl. Sitting next to him as we looked at that photo, I told my husband he was so handsome in those days (not my most thoughtful moment). He feigned wounded feelings and wondered aloud why I used the word "was".
     What I couldn't articulate to him was the disconnection I felt from my feelings during that phase in our lives. Admittedly, we have aged. Nature has taken it's course and we did not escape her path.  The young man in that picture is definitely not the same man that sat on the couch next to me. He's lost much of his hair and his chiseled jaw has rounded a bit. Perhaps that sounds like a bad thing, but I don't feel that way.
     I look at my husband now and I see the hills and valleys of our life etched across his face. The laugh lines next to his eyes are amazing. When he's happy, his whole face smiles. The steel blue of his eyes have softened all the pain I ever experienced. The strength in his hands remind me of the many times he held me up when I didn't think I could face another tough loss/change/day. The sparkle in his eye when he does something childlike and mischievous makes me laugh even when I want to be mad at him.
     There is so much more depth to the man I see when I look at him now. That makes him so much more handsome and desirable than that young man from our high school days.  While I sometimes wish we had the strength and stamina from those days, I wouldn't go back now to the people we were then. I look at my husband and I still see the young man in that picture, but when I look at that picture, I see only a hint of the man I love right now.

 

Stress is ageless

   Is there someone creating extra stress for you? Are they impatient or at least not very understanding? Does it seem they expect more from you than you have to give?  Perhaps you wish you could press a 'pause' button and deal with them when you're ready. It's not that you want them to disappear, but if they could just back off for a few minutes/days/weeks until you can catch your breath you would be so grateful!
   Each of us have people in our lives that demand a lot of time and attention. It's understandable when they're really little. We can even reasonably expect to give our teenagers some leeway to be selfish and demanding. They are on the cusp of becoming an adult, which can admittedly be one of the most exciting and yet scariest times of their life.
    Before you make a hasty judgement, ask yourself what you expect from THEM. Do they serve a need in your life? Are you allowing them in your life when you need them and then wanting them to stand by until you're ready for them again? What purpose are you serving in their life?  How are you serving them? 
   Once you reach the age of reason; once you can tell the difference between right and wrong, it's time to step up and pitch in, to give back. It's time to become a 'contributing member of society'. That doesn't just mean you get a job and pay taxes, etc. You may not even be old enough to get a job, but you are probably old enough to contribute to the efforts made on behalf of your family, your school, your church, your community, etc. in whatever way you are capable. There is no excuse to continue receiving benefit in any area of your life without also adding to the well being of those around you.
   So I would ask you again to consider what benefit YOU are adding to the person that is expecting too much from you? Even if the only contribution you have for them is simple communication, you owe them that much at least. You may find that is really all they need from you. A little respect and consideration goes so very far.
   If you are of the age of reason, step up and do your part to balance your existence. To the people that feed our life in any way, I firmly believe we owe effort.

That darn irreversible knowledge

    It's been about five months since I've posted anything. I've had many thoughts pop-up that would have made decent topics of conversation, just never at an opportune time for writing about them. I checked in today to visit some of the blogs I enjoy following, to 'see old friends' and find out how they're fairing. I found a "draft" in my own blog that made clear to me why I took a little (or not so little) break.
    I wrote the following post months ago and don't even recall the event or facebook posts that triggered the reaction.
     I was going to delete it, but as I reread it, I thought it might mean more if it doesn't apply to anyone in particular, so here it is; from some time after February but at least a couple months before today.

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    I don't like to log into facebook as much as I once did.  The posts that take a stab at others with words meant to appear vague and discreet, yet only serve up bitter vitriol, seem to be appearing with greater frequency.
    The anger and sarcasm weakly disguised as general comments are not only obvious, but suck a measure of joy out of the positive messages and pictures I would otherwise enjoy. I try not to acknowledge the negative posts unless they cross an imaginary line I've drawn for myself. More and more I find myself avoiding the people who post them.
      I'm talking about the people that need to make negative comments to or about someone else on a regular basis to feel validated. Usually the anger arises from something personal, an unresolved issue in the past. An issue between the poster and the person at whom the anger is directed.
     I'm not talking about the people that are trying to get through a difficult time or event they've experienced, an unusual burst of anger. Those are the people to whom I reach out and offer support. I believe we all need some leeway for the human condition. We all need to know people care about us.
     Because my friends' list is made up of people that are important to me, I walk this line carefully.

Shall we stay or shall we go?

     It would be nice if every relationship were clear and tidy. If all the lines were sharp and there were no grey areas. The biggest difficulties lie in the overlaps. 
    Can you be excited and happy for someone you love, when someone else you love, feels offended by the one for whom you want to be excited and happy? If everyone involved is emotionally mature, it's possible. Emotional maturity seldom happens at the same rate for different people, ..... if it happens at all.
     It's a struggle for me to stay out of other people's relationships, especially if it appears their "bump" is clearly a misunderstanding and it feels like both parties want the friendship back. I am a "fixer".  I find solutions for problems. That's what I'm driven to do, but for the most part I manage to avoid offering to mediate.
     If a hiccup in the relationship of two people I love bleeds over into my life, I have less restraint.  I want the freedom to maintain/nurture my relationships separate from third party influences.  So if my friend expects me to prove my friendship by taking sides or ignoring mean-spirited behavior, I will speak up.  I believe that if you search your heart before you speak, say what you need to with all the love you feel, whatever the outcome may be, is what must be.
      I've learned to accept that not all relationships are meant to be true and strong, and it's okay to let some go.

An Angry Era

     The news is full of stories about young people railing against something; society, law enforcement, an education system, another group of young people, etc. I understand the need for people to push for change. When I was younger, I thought I should have a cause, some corner of my world that I could improve.
     I don't know if I did anything during my life that will leave a lasting impression with anyone. If I did, I'm certain it won't last longer than the lifetime of my grandchildren. One thing I do know is that I have never been that angry about anything. I've been dissatisfied and discontented and I've worked to make bad situations better.
     For a very long time I worried the world was getting darker. Then it occurred to me that perhaps the world isn't that much different than when I was younger. Technology has erupted into a multi-headed monster. Machines are electronic and far more complex, but opportunities and possibilities are still unlimited if you dare to dream and be creative.
      So, what makes those young people so angry? It seems to me, the biggest obstacle to someone's happiness is their inability to accept disappointment. When things don't go as planned, they don't know how to regroup and come up with a new plan because we as a society spent years telling them they controlled the world. We encouraged them to be the best and to have the best. We're forgetting to teach them true happiness will come from the connections you build with other people. The more of yourself that you give to others, the stronger and happier you will become.

Get it before it's gone

     It seems to me the ability to respectfully disagree with another's viewpoint is a lost art. It's easier to convince ourselves that we are better (and better off) than our peers or even our parents and their peers. Young people today are so technologically connected that they aren't put in personal situations where they must learn how to live with multiple viewpoints. Lessons on manners and etiquette are no longer passed from the older generations to the younger generations.
     While young adults are versed on 'freedom of speech', it's only their speech that is free. The moment they are faced with someone who questions the validity of their information or offers an opposite viewpoint, they hit the 'delete' button. There's no one to hold them accountable and remind them they can't possibly 'know it all' because they aren't 'fully cooked' yet. They can 'unfriend' and 'block' anyone that disagrees with them. In this digital age, it's much easier to build a world around themselves filled with people that pat them on the back and tell them how wonderful they are, even if it's only to avoid becoming their next chastising victim.
     Families don't get together in large groups of multiple generations nearly as often as previous generations. I worry that our lives have become more superficial. So much history is lost because we aren't aware of the importance of the experience and wisdom of our senior citizens gained by years of hard work and lives well lived. It's a much underused and neglected resource. I feel blessed to have a few resources left.