An Angry Era

     The news is full of stories about young people railing against something; society, law enforcement, an education system, another group of young people, etc. I understand the need for people to push for change. When I was younger, I thought I should have a cause, some corner of my world that I could improve.
     I don't know if I did anything during my life that will leave a lasting impression with anyone. If I did, I'm certain it won't last longer than the lifetime of my grandchildren. One thing I do know is that I have never been that angry about anything. I've been dissatisfied and discontented and I've worked to make bad situations better.
     For a very long time I worried the world was getting darker. Then it occurred to me that perhaps the world isn't that much different than when I was younger. Technology has erupted into a multi-headed monster. Machines are electronic and far more complex, but opportunities and possibilities are still unlimited if you dare to dream and be creative.
      So, what makes those young people so angry? It seems to me, the biggest obstacle to someone's happiness is their inability to accept disappointment. When things don't go as planned, they don't know how to regroup and come up with a new plan because we as a society spent years telling them they controlled the world. We encouraged them to be the best and to have the best. We're forgetting to teach them true happiness will come from the connections you build with other people. The more of yourself that you give to others, the stronger and happier you will become.

Difficult decisions

   We went across the state over the July 4th weekend to see our youngest son and his family. Our visit with our granddaughter was bittersweet and frustrating. She's a beautiful little girl with sad eyes that look deep into her almost two year old soul. Our son and his girlfriend are doing the best they know to raise her. Unfortunately, love isn't enough all by itself and they aren't equipped for and can't maintain the level of care she needs and deserves. Each time we go to see them, we try to fill in the gaps and each time the gaps seem bigger.
   We spent the majority of our weekend visit discussing recent events between them which created chaos and drama that spilled over into our lives (my husband's and mine). We set our limits for our involvement in their relationship and stressed the importance of considering their daughter's welfare first in every decision they make. We made an effort to fit in quality time with our granddaughter. Because of the distance between us, we only get to see her about every six months. Even so, each time we visit, she and I connect easily in a short amount of time. She cuddles and clings to me and it makes me feel protective.
   Monday morning we were scheduled to leave. When we arrived at their apartment, I found a situation I couldn't overlook or rationalize away. There were empty beer cans and bottles on the porch of the apartment. When our son's girlfriend opened the door to let us in, we found an open, nearly full can of beer on the floor of the living room in easy reach of an inquisitive toddler. My mind went immediately to the alcohol poisoning death of a 4 year old about which I had recently read.  I'd reached my limit. I told my son how I felt about his responsibilities as a parent. When I couldn't think of another thing to say, I left his apartment and sat in our car until my husband came out and joined me. As we talked about our role in this situation and what it should look like, I found myself dialing 911. We don't have the legal right to take our granddaughter and just leave, but there had to be some intervention that could take place. My son explained the beer was not theirs, 'they'd had a visitor that had stayed the night and left before we got there. The beer belonged to their visitor and they didn't know it was there'. A report was taken, and the officer said because my granddaughter hadn't awakened to find the beer, he would let 'Health and Human Services' decide if they would open a file on it.  It wasn't enough to remove her from the home.
     At times, the emotional and physical damage inflicted on my son by his biological family, feels like an obstacle to even the smallest amount of happiness for him. The unrelenting discontent he feels causes him to make rash decisions which sabotage his chance of establishing a life that permits even small successes. The dysfunction surrounding his girlfriend's childhood and even now, plays a big part in what they view as an acceptable way of life. I wish I could wave a wand and fix all their problems. It becomes more and more difficult to celebrate this little life that shows so much potential when there is a real chance she could become a casualty of their circumstances and there's little we can do to prevent it.
   I don't know if we should be resigned to sit and wait for the fall out of their choices or if we should be more aggressive in our attempts to improve her situation. Legally, we haven't many options, we are only her grandparents. We have few rights where she is concerned.  I hope when the time comes to step up (or step in) we will have the energy necessary to give our granddaughter what she'll need to get past her obstacles.

Floating on a sea of hope

   I came from a not-so-small family and there was always something happening. Then I married someone from a not-so-small family and I doubled my calendar.  When our kids were small it was okay because our focus was on their needs. No one expected more of us.  We were young with a ton of energy, mental and physical and we juggled it well.
   As we got older I began to look forward to watching our children raise their families. I even had mental images of sitting on the porch watching our son toss a ball with his son as the sun was setting in the backround. HA! First mistake I made was conjuring up an image of his son. We have three grandchildren and all are girls (very young girls - the oldest is three). Please don't misunderstand me, I am thrilled with my granddaughters and the oldest can throw a ball very well.  But the crux of the matter is, I made a mental image of our life and how it should look.
    You can guess if I got one of the details so wrong, I got most of the details wrong. We spend no time on the porch. The other thing I hadn't calculated was the aging process. I didn't make room for deaths, divorces, heartbreak and health issues. It's expected now....... there will be things popping up at any time. In some cases we will be handling two or three crises at a time.
    Take last fall, (this is where the punch line "PLEASE take last fall!!" fits so well), our rollercoaster ride started when my husband helped move our niece and nephew from their home (they were losing it to foreclosure) into an apartment on very short notice. A couple months after they moved into their apartment, their apartment building burned to the ground. They got out okay but they lost everything except their lives. The following week one of my older brothers was diagnosed with cancer. We spent the next couple of weeks attending fundraisers to help our niece and nephew and their small children get back on their feet and to help my brother and sister-in-law cover the mounting costs of medication not covered by insurance.  The month after his diagnosis my brother died of a heart attack. It seems we put on our blinders and trudged forward, one foot after the other. Through all that, I find each of us takes a different path for grieving and healing and at different paces.
     My husband and I take a lot for granted. What that tells me is we have so much for which to be thankful, we forget it's not that way for everyone.  I'll work at recognizing my blessings.  Fortunately, 2010 ended. We toasted it's departure and talked about how much better 2011 would be. Well, in the words of Gomer Pyle, "Surprise, surprise, surprise".  Yesterday, my younger brother found out he has a tumor on his pancreas. 2011 is revealing it's true colors early in the year. I'm thinking if we are to stay ahead of the current in my 'sea of hope', I may need to pull out the paddles and start rowing like crazy.