Floating on a sea of hope

   I came from a not-so-small family and there was always something happening. Then I married someone from a not-so-small family and I doubled my calendar.  When our kids were small it was okay because our focus was on their needs. No one expected more of us.  We were young with a ton of energy, mental and physical and we juggled it well.
   As we got older I began to look forward to watching our children raise their families. I even had mental images of sitting on the porch watching our son toss a ball with his son as the sun was setting in the backround. HA! First mistake I made was conjuring up an image of his son. We have three grandchildren and all are girls (very young girls - the oldest is three). Please don't misunderstand me, I am thrilled with my granddaughters and the oldest can throw a ball very well.  But the crux of the matter is, I made a mental image of our life and how it should look.
    You can guess if I got one of the details so wrong, I got most of the details wrong. We spend no time on the porch. The other thing I hadn't calculated was the aging process. I didn't make room for deaths, divorces, heartbreak and health issues. It's expected now....... there will be things popping up at any time. In some cases we will be handling two or three crises at a time.
    Take last fall, (this is where the punch line "PLEASE take last fall!!" fits so well), our rollercoaster ride started when my husband helped move our niece and nephew from their home (they were losing it to foreclosure) into an apartment on very short notice. A couple months after they moved into their apartment, their apartment building burned to the ground. They got out okay but they lost everything except their lives. The following week one of my older brothers was diagnosed with cancer. We spent the next couple of weeks attending fundraisers to help our niece and nephew and their small children get back on their feet and to help my brother and sister-in-law cover the mounting costs of medication not covered by insurance.  The month after his diagnosis my brother died of a heart attack. It seems we put on our blinders and trudged forward, one foot after the other. Through all that, I find each of us takes a different path for grieving and healing and at different paces.
     My husband and I take a lot for granted. What that tells me is we have so much for which to be thankful, we forget it's not that way for everyone.  I'll work at recognizing my blessings.  Fortunately, 2010 ended. We toasted it's departure and talked about how much better 2011 would be. Well, in the words of Gomer Pyle, "Surprise, surprise, surprise".  Yesterday, my younger brother found out he has a tumor on his pancreas. 2011 is revealing it's true colors early in the year. I'm thinking if we are to stay ahead of the current in my 'sea of hope', I may need to pull out the paddles and start rowing like crazy.