I knew this woman.......

     I'm not ashamed to admit that I am not the person you know. I haven't become me yet. What you see are fragments of the end result. I pretend a little every day. I guess you could call me a "phony". I won't even be offended. For me, the hardest part about life is failing to be the person I pretend to be. I must practice more everyday. 
     When I was young, my father told me with enough practice I can become good at anything I choose. So, ............... I choose to be better. I choose to be positive. I choose to be compassionate, I choose to be selfless. I choose to be forgiving and sensitive to others, I choose to be kind, open and accepting, I choose to be loving.
     It is my intention to be phony until I'm not. I am on the "fake-it-until-you-make-it" bandwagon.
     For years I worried people would find out I'm not as good as I try to be. I felt bad about being a fake until I realized, in my charade I commit acts of kindness and I act like a better person. What would life really be like if more people "acted" like better people. Would there be a bunch of phonies walking around committing acts of kindness?  I'd take that any day over a bunch of "real" people walking around criticizing others for being fake. I know plenty of "real" people who pretend they don't care what others think of them. So many people post that sentiment on Facebook every day. I believe the truth is, we all care what others think of us. I believe we should care. It's the only hope of becoming better. The benefit to pretending is if you accidentally let others get a peek of the "real" you, you can start right away pretending to be better again.
    

Is it really funny?

     I was listening to the "Late Show" tonight and found myself chuckling at David Letterman wishing Dick "Boom Boom" Cheney a Happy Birthday. Most of the country, maybe even most of the world, knows of the hunting accident that involved Mr. Cheney shooting a hunting companion in the face. I think partly I laughed at the cleverness of this roasting under the pretense of good wishes and partly I laughed at the bold naughtiness of Mr. Letterman's comments. Then it occurred to me, as light-hearted as he wanted us to believe his comments were intended, he was still poking fun at what had to be a very traumatic event in Dick Cheney's life. Dick Cheney likely is expected to take it all as a good natured ribbing, yet it must dig deeper than we could ever imagine.
     I think it would be most difficult to force a smile, even superficially about a mistake I made that caused another person pain and suffering. Of all the pain I have experienced in my life, that which I have inflicted is more of a burden to me than that which has been inflicted upon me. So in retrospect I question why I would find myself giggling at the misfortune of another, especially of this magnitude.
     I don't find other people's suffering at all funny. In fact it causes me great distress. I can only surmise this type of humor must be a measure of self preservation, a way to keep oneself from being consumed by the pain of others.

New Year

    Just celebrated another birthday after the start of the New Year. It was difficult as a young child with a birthday right after Christmas and New Year's celebrations because most everyone is ready to get back into a slower pace and a little quiet. My birthday was pretty understated. As a child it was rather disappointing. As an adult I think I prefer understated. It goes along with my desire to be average. Sounds strange doesn't it!? It's the result of having an other than average life so far (as I see it).
    Because of the chronology of events I'm guessing, the turn of the New Year followed almost immediately by marking another year of my life feels like a chance to start fresh. All cliches aside, I like the hope of something better. It's a chance to succeed at becoming a better, more organized, happier, and healthier me. My focus is always on the little things; making my checkbook a better record of our finances so we can budget at a glance if needed; stocking the cupboards with healthier foods that all of us can incorporate into our daily diets without feeling deprived; encouraging my family to start fresh and get excited about their own plans and goals.
   One thing at which I've not been good, that I want to focus on this year, is begin to do more of the 'just for me' things that I've delayed so I could take care of my family's needs. But they're all grown and now pretty much on their own, or will be shortly. 
   The types of things I'd do have changed a bit over the years, but there is still a list of them. On top is to get my degree.  I stopped going to school to have children, then put off going back so Jim could finish his schooling. Well, then the rest of life got in the way. You know the story. It's certainly not unique to me. It isn't unusual for mothers/wives to put the rest of the family first. Certainly my own mother put all of us before her own wishes. And in fact, my Mother-In-Law is my inspiration for this goal. She was quite the 'go-getter'. This might just be the year for some serious consideration. Happy 2012!

Trust yourself

   I love to read. I read something every day. Sometimes I read books, sometimes I read articles. I have certain authors and certain genres that I enjoy more than others but there is a variety of topics that interest me. I think it's important to 'broaden my horizons' about subjects of which I'm not terribly knowledgeable. Considering many perspectives helps me form opinions. However when it comes to opinions, I don't consider anyone else's opinion to be more relevant than my own or my opinion more relevant than another person's.
   My point to this cyclical logic is that if you only use another person's insight as the basis for your opinion, then perhaps you should put down your book or newspaper, or step away from your computer, get out in the world and experience more of life for awhile. It isn't until you see, hear, smell and feel for yourself that you get the truths life has to offer. Once you do that in a way that opens your eyes and your heart to the idea of endless possibility, you will trust yourself. If you trust yourself it becomes unnecessary to be right or to have the last word.

My challenge for you today!

     Okay friends, I have a challenge for you, ........ a "dare". I dare you to do one thing each day for the next week that takes you out of your comfort zone and reconnects you with the person you want to be. I dare you to 'put yourself out there'. Say something or do something that positively affects another person, in spite of the weird looks and snide remarks you might receive.
     I'm not asking you to change the world, but if you do even one thing designed to make another person feel/be better and it takes a little courage on your part, it will have an impact on others, whether you see that impact or not.
     Here's an example of the type of thing I'm thinking about. Imagine you have a 'snob' in your office that clouds the office and makes everyone's job harder. Your coworkers avoid him/her because they don't want to be accused of being like them. You notice he/she has on a stunning new suit or they did some aspect of their job notably well. Stop them and sincerely compliment them as if you were already friends. It's a small risk, but it puts them in a positive personal light and removes some of the negative aura surrounding them. Immediately some portion of the tension in the office is gone. Everybody benefits. The same thing happens if you smile at people regularly. Eventually they realize it's sincere and they begin to smile back.
    I like to write comments on online news articles. We all have a tendency to pass judgement on people in the news with only the information in one article. We read a story, it offends our sensibilities and we lash out, mostly to prove to ourselves we couldn't be the person that makes a bad decision and ruins lives. 
   Strangely, even though we have the potential to be unreasonable, most of us are reasonable 95% of the time. It's the other 5% by which we will be judged.

An Angry Era

     The news is full of stories about young people railing against something; society, law enforcement, an education system, another group of young people, etc. I understand the need for people to push for change. When I was younger, I thought I should have a cause, some corner of my world that I could improve.
     I don't know if I did anything during my life that will leave a lasting impression with anyone. If I did, I'm certain it won't last longer than the lifetime of my grandchildren. One thing I do know is that I have never been that angry about anything. I've been dissatisfied and discontented and I've worked to make bad situations better.
     For a very long time I worried the world was getting darker. Then it occurred to me that perhaps the world isn't that much different than when I was younger. Technology has erupted into a multi-headed monster. Machines are electronic and far more complex, but opportunities and possibilities are still unlimited if you dare to dream and be creative.
      So, what makes those young people so angry? It seems to me, the biggest obstacle to someone's happiness is their inability to accept disappointment. When things don't go as planned, they don't know how to regroup and come up with a new plan because we as a society spent years telling them they controlled the world. We encouraged them to be the best and to have the best. We're forgetting to teach them true happiness will come from the connections you build with other people. The more of yourself that you give to others, the stronger and happier you will become.

Irreversible Knowledge

     Irreversible Knowledge.  I don’t remember the first time I became familiar with the term, but it has haunted me ever since. We all have it.  You know what it is.  Those little pieces of information that come along and change the way you look at life; or handle situations; or address the people around you, etc.  I say it haunts me because even if ignoring the information has little or no impact on me day-to-day, I can’t.  Hence...irreversible!  Forget about pretending I didn’t hear it or read it.  I’ll only come back later and adjust for it.

    It plays directly on my most predominant weakness which also happens to be a strength for me.  I list it on my resume as “attention to detail”.  As a person, it makes me better and as an employee it makes my work better.  It also causes my coworkers to work harder.  We laugh about how ‘anal’ I can be.  On a good day they’ll tell me they’re better because of it.  On a bad day, they’ll grumble about the extra steps they now take.  In the end I appreciate the tolerance they show me.

     As a mother it tells my children I think they’re important.  As a wife, it helps when I’m looking for the keys my husband misplaced or the paper he can’t find that he ‘had a week and a half ago’.  But it also becomes the source of irritation when he asks for an example of a negative encounter I don’t want us to keep repeating.  I don’t forget much, at least I didn’t use to forget much but I’m older now too.  I explain I’m not holding grudges just analyzing our dynamics.   I like to think we’ve grown stronger as a couple because of it.   He can laugh about it now and I can laugh with him.

   The extra work I take on due to this phenomenon can be exhausting.  But, when it comes right down to it, I also sleep better at night because at the end of the day, I’m pretty sure I’ve done everything possible.