Trust and Forgiveness

   Occasionally a random thought will grease the gears and sabotage any effort to put the brakes on the mind 'spin'. Last night on facebook, I found myself posing the question, "Is it truly possible to regain a broken trust?"
    In my case, answering the random-thought question alone doesn't help quiet the raging mind. It IS possible to regain a broken trust. I know because I trust again. It's not that I 'forgave and forgot'. I remember. I remember it well.  I vividly remember the pain of the betrayal, but I no longer feel it. I suppose it's more accurate to say I vividly remember my 'knee-jerk' reactions to it.
     At the time, I intended to end the relationship. I thought I would never get over the pain, that I would become more insecure than I was already, that I would have to live the rest of my life feeling 'not quite good enough'.  It shook me to my core. But in the 'healing years' amazing transformations took place. I gained perspective. It became okay to be less than perfect, because perfect truly wasn't working. Anger became an allowable emotion. I decided it was also okay to have expectations and to become more selfish.
     After a while, I started to have days that I didn't think about it. I was able to talk about it matter-of-factly, strategize ways to avoid situations that fed the distrust. Without the discussion and the strategizing, I'm sure there wouldn't have been full healing. The whole situation made me stronger and wiser. I'm richer for it. It feels strange to write, but I'm grateful for having gone through it.
     In the end surprising things happened. I am able to fully trust again. The revelations that followed changed my life and made me proud of who I am inside. To know I'm capable of complete forgiveness is empowering. To know that someone wanted my complete forgiveness is truly humbling. To witness the growth of this solid relationship brings me true happiness.