Every event in our life creates a period of transition. For many events it can be a matter of minutes, others may require years. And then there are some that seem to throw our lives into perpetual transition.
Yesterday, some of my family and I stopped by the funeral home to begin the preliminary arrangements for my brother's services. Most had been prearranged, thanks to my older brothers, who had the foresight years ago to sit down with him and work them out. As the director verified information necessary to begin the home's duties, the questions caused my mind to spin. My thoughts were in present terms AND past terms and some answers came in both, at the same time.
I don't yet know what my brother's death will do to our lives. We are still adjusting to my other brother's death two years ago. How do you go from having six siblings to having five then four? Well technically, you don't. My brothers are still my brothers. They just don't walk in this life any longer. There is some comfort in that, but it doesn't help the awkward moments when someone innocently asks, 'Do you come from a large family?' I used to enjoy that question. Now it causes me to pause, sputter and stammer. I know the next question is usually "do they all live here?" How do I truthfully answer that question without making the inquirer feel bad?, without making me feel bad? My mother knew this would be my burden. Many times she told me I shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve. That when I expose my feelings so easily I give away the power in my relationships. (Pretty ironic for someone with control issues, right?)
This transition, this new status is what my family and I face for the rest of our lives, it isn't a choice. Thankfully, I know we will get through it and it will bring us closer. For this 'family strength', I thank my parents. For their love and unwavering support, I thank my brothers and sisters and their spouses-my other brothers and sisters. I love you all so very much, you give me continued hope and courage.
No comments:
Post a Comment