Vulnerable but not conquered.

     Two-thirds of this year has passed and it still is not shaping up to be a better year than last. I really believed the turmoil and tragedies of 2010 would serve as a phase of emotional and psychological growth. I was sure I would find wisdom that I could draw from for future "phases" in years to come. I was really hoping it would just not be this year.
     In March I told you about the diagnosis of, and surgery for pancreatic cancer that my younger brother received. We, my family and I, rallied together to stand by my brother as he faced his surgery and recovery. With our older brother Steve at his side, he quietly went to his weekly chemo treatments until all appointments were complete.
     In early August he had a scan to check his progress (and I assumed to serve as his 'baseline' scan for future check-ups), and the news was not good. The cancer had spread to his liver and the only treatment is not curative.
     So we begin a new journey. The doctors want us to be prepared and I believe we agree, though we still hope for even small miracles. The next 'six months to a year' will again be a phase of growth emotionally. My brother is facing his own journey in as brave a manner as I have ever seen. His own concern is not for himself but for his daughter, my niece, that she continue on this amazing path she's begun toward becoming a youth minister. His biggest hope is for her dreams to come true.
     I couldn't, nor would I want to, imagine how this journey would look if I had to travel it alone with him. I don't think I am enough support. Coming from a large family (not "19 Kids and counting" large) I used to listen to people question having a large family in 'today's world'. Having also married into a large family, there were times I felt overwhelmed by the number of occasions on the calendar that deserved recognition. Finding a balance in our lives among the numbers has always been a challenge and I haven't been really good at making people feel as special as they are to me, but God knew we would need every single person in our lives. If you pray, please keep us all in your prayers, but especially my brother. His will be the journey of his life.
    

For my kids!

(I want to preface this post by saying these thoughts came to me as a result of someone else's situation and not from anything personally related to my family. I have to put this out there anyway!)
   My husband and I are so very proud of our boys and anyone that spends time around us, knows it full well. Some days we can't stop talking about something one of them (or our granddaughters) has done or said. I'm sure many people, including our sons, have at one time or another thought, "If you only knew....".  So let me set the record straight.
   We do not, nor will we ever, delude ourselves into thinking that we know everything our children have ever done.  Nor do we believe they would want us to know. I'm pretty sure they think there are choices they've made of which we would not approve.  We all get embarrassed by our mistakes and we all make choices that take us on a path different than our parents'.
   Even though I don't know all their choices (or activities), I can say that I wouldn't be paralyzed by anything I learned about decisions they've made. I know my children are human; driven by the same needs and wants the rest of us have. The need to be acknowledged and accepted by our peers is a great equalizer.
     So to our children and children-in-law I say, "Relax. Dad and I love and accept you unconditionally. We are proud of the kindness in your hearts and the generosity in your nature. We think you are perfectly imperfect. Keep doing your best and always give more than you take."  Mom