The slower days of youth

     Remember as a kid, wishing you were all grown up so you didn't have to be told what to do? I wished away curfew. I wished away high school. I wished away dating and courtship. Since I started making my own decisions time has flown. I have some distinct memories of wondering what some point in the future would be like. All those future points are in the distant past. Like looking at my oldest son crawling around on the floor as a baby in the living room of our first house, wondering what he would look like when he was nine. "Nine" was nineteen years and three grandchildren ago. Two of those grandchildren are his children.
     Yesterday I built a snowman with my neighbor and played in the snow with her dog, "Jack". Today my body is reminding me I built a snowman and played in the snow with my neighbor's dog "Jack". But the amazing thing is, for the first time in a very very long time, at the end of the day I felt like I'd had more than a day's worth of activity (fun and tasking). I had to remind myself that I had one more day in the weekend. I think the key is to fill several parts of the day doing something you really enjoy. After building snowman, I came inside and made chili and put it in the crock pot to simmer all day. I had some quiet time to myself to read and watch an old western on TV. Then in the afternoon, we got to spend a few hours with our oldest and youngest granddaughters, playing, laughing and reading books. Later in the evening my husband and I enjoyed the chili and some quiet time together. The day was exactly how I'd always imagined this time of my life to be, pretty uneventful but an average amount of fun. I'll have more of those days,.......... please.

Faces of Love

   I'm spending the day with my youngest granddaughter today and I'm very excited. Grandchildren fill your heart like no one else can. I know they love me because they are very demonstrative. When I arrive at their house, they run into my arms for a hug. They get sad when I leave and excited if I take them with me. All I have to do is hold my arms out and they snuggle in for a good cuddle. All of these actions warm me just in the thought of them.
   What fills my heart even more is knowing that with all of that, they love their parents more. Even though they reach for me and cry as I prepare to leave their house as if I must take them with me, given the choice of participating in the same field trip type activity with their parents or their grandparents, they will choose their parents.
   Occasionally, I envy the closeness some of my friends share with their other friends. I don't feel that way with my grandchildren. It's likely I will leave this world before their parents. My grandchildren need to feel secure in the face of uncertainty and their parents provide that for them. In the meantime, I honor their parents by making sure my grandchildren understand that I know mom and dad are the ultimate bosses where my grandchildren are concerned. It really puts me at ease to just enjoy my time with them and shower them with all the love I feel. It's a win-win for all of us.

Praying for Lilianna and some answers

     I hope we don't take the time we spend with our granddaughters, Abi and Josie, for granted.  We see them at least once a week and we love it. Now, we're getting another chance to spend some extended time with our granddaughter, Lilianna. She's 17 months old. We are excited and guarded at the same time. Her parents tell us she is a 'wild child' and that she hits and bites as if that will scare us out of taking care of her. It only serves to set our resolve that she must spend more time with us.
    What does scare me is that it won't be enough time to set a permanent mark on her life. They live so far away from us that we only get to see her about once every six months. I worry that she won't get enough of the routine teaching and reinforcement necessary to blossom into the beautiful happy young girl I saw emerging the last time she spent a couple weeks with us. Her mom and dad are struggling to find the life they want and we see that struggle taking it's toll. I'm scared for Lilianna.
     People used to tell us that you shouldn't have children until you can afford it.  I don't think that's it. It isn't about the money, it's about balance. You have to be able to prioritize. Once you have children, the rest of life's choices, no matter how mundane, should be decided by asking, 'how does it affect our child(ren)? Is this the best choice for us as a family?' It's the only way to respect, preserve and protect the delicate balance of family.
     Lilianna's parents are doing the best they can to give her what she needs but even they will tell you they don't understand what it is. I know it's selfish and would create it's own set of challenges, but on some level I keep hoping they recognize it's more work than they can manage and will ask us to take care of her. In the meantime, I'll keep that door open, continue to provide as much moral support as they'll accept, and keep praying.

Simplicity

     Since I have only briefly mentioned our granddaughters up to this point, you might think they are a small part of our life. There are many facets, but our granddaughters are front and center. I never imagined how they would fill my heart.
     From an early age, I knew that I wanted to be a mother. While most kids, at some time in their lives, experience a heightened fear of death, my fear was not of dying itself, but that I would die before having children. Of everything I've ever questioned, having kids was not one of them. When I found out I was pregnant, I was ecstatic. I thought I couldn't be happier.  When I found out I was going to be a grandmother, I bawled like a baby. The wave of emotion swept over me unexpectedly.  Now, spending time with our granddaughters feels like the reward for every good deed I ever thought about doing. No one deserves to be this happy.
     Our first granddaughter, Abi is smart, funny, sweet, sincere, loving and beautiful. Only three years old at the time of this writing, she too was born an "old soul".  She's the oldest so we've had more time to develop a relationship and it is rooted and strong. She will always have a special place as the first grandchild.
     Our second granddaughter LiLi, lives hundreds of miles away.  She is seventeen months old and a fireball; bright and curious. She is playful and loves to be held. Her smile lights up her pretty little face as well as the room. Our time with her has been limited by proximity and her parents don't own a phone. We work harder for that relationship but it has been reestablished quickly each time we see her. 
     Our third granddaughter Josie, is only eight months old.. She is playful and sweet and lights up when her sister enters the room. She can't contain her excitement when Abi talks to her. Even though she doesn't yet speak, you can tell she is smart.  Plenty of cuddles and floor-play fill our time with her.  It's an easy relationship which is growing deeper with time
     Our 'grandgirls' are the definition of life. All things become new again when you look at life through the eyes of a young child.  The simple things that make them smile are what create the real joy in our lives.